“Sh*t My Dad Says”
by Justin Halpern
Why you’d like it:
Do you need no-BS life advice from a grandfather you never had? Do you like books that expertly alternate between poop jokes and heartfelt memoirs? If you answered yes to both of those questions, then Shit My Dad Says might be the greatest thing you’ll ever read!
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
“That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”
“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Shit My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
What I enjoyed:
The stories (or memories, if you prefer) are split for easy reading, so you can either read everything in one sitting or in smaller chunks. Each chapter has its own quotes section at the end, which is where you’ll find a lot of the material from Justin’s @shitmydadsays Twitter account. I liked this organization method, because the bite-sized quotes were funny transitions. The stories are relatable and hilarious, too. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much while reading.
My two cents of constructive criticism:
Some of the chapters in Shit My Dad Says seemed to end abruptly, which wasn’t a horrible thing but it could be off-putting to select readers. It would have been interesting to see more of Justin’s thoughts at the end of each chapter, especially after he’d had time to reflect upon a particularly profound lesson from his father.
How it made me feel:
Satisfied. Amused. Cheerful. As much as I adored the humorous anecdotes and profanity-laced retorts, I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of love in this book. It filled me with a sense of nostalgia I wasn’t expecting to find within the pages, which is wonderful!
What it reminded me of:
My own family. Everyone knows someone like Justin Halpern’s dad (or at least everyone has wished they knew someone like him), including me. My grandpa-in-law is a lot like Sam Halpern, so I couldn’t help but think of him during the zingers. That’s part of what makes Shit My Dad Says so damn awesome: any reader can find parallels between his/her own stories and Justin’s stories.
What I thought after finishing the last line:
“My friends would absolutely love this: even the ones who claim they don’t like to read.”
Memorable, spoiler-free quotes:
“You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit. You ain’t sick. What’s the problem here? We just drove a goddamned continent, and I’m tired. Spit it out.”
“I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play with his shit, then you can’t play with it. It’s his shit. If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that’s his right. You always have the right to be an asshole — you just shouldn’t use that right very often.”
“I’m not eating something called ‘pizzalicious.’ That’s not even a fucking adjective. You can’t just add ‘licious’ to nouns. That’s bullshit.”
Next week, I’ll review Egghead (or, You Can’t Survive on Ideas Alone) by Bo Burnham. Until then: feed your head, little bookworms.
Remember that awesome tv show that they made from this book?